Ponderisms

I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes.

There are two kinds of pedestrians: the quick and the dead.

Life is sexually transmitted.

Healthy is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.

Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.

Have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder these days no one talks about seeing UFOs like they used to?

Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.

All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.

In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal..

How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?

Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, 'I think I'll squeeze these dangly things and drink whatever comes out?'

If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him?

Why does your OB-GYN leave the room when you get undressed if they are going to look up there anyway?

If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?

If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?

Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?

Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive faster?

Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?

Good Kitchen Smells Without Cooking

Here's a hint taken from Heloise:

If you don't have the time to bake all day in your kitchen, create an inviting smell instead by putting a few drops of cinnamon, anise, orange or peppermint oil on a cotton ball and put it on the inside of the cardboard tube of the paper towel roll or dab on a dried-flower arrangement. Simmer a small pot of water and add a drop of the essential oil that matches the mood you want to create.

Stress Diet

This is a specially formulated diet designed to help
cope with the stress that builds during the day.
BREAKFAST
1 grapefruit
1 slice whole-wheat toast
1 cup skim milk
LUNCH
small portion lean, steamed chicken
with a cup of spinach
cup herbal tea
1 Hershey's Kiss

AFTERNOON TEA
The rest of the Hershey Kisses in the bag
1 tub of Hagen-Daaz ice cream
with chocolate-chip topping

DINNER
4 glasses of wine (red or white)
2 loaves garlic bread
1 family size Supreme pizza
3 Snickers bars
LATE NIGHT SNACK
1 whole Sarah Lee cheesecake
(eaten directly from the freezer)

REMEMBER:
"Stressed" spelled backward is "desserts"

Cream Puffs

This is one of my husbands absolute favorite. He loves when I make these, but only with the custard filling.  Sometimes I like to make a whipped cream filling, made with beating heavy cream and sugar, but the custard is his favorite.  It's really simple to make.

• 1/2 cup white sugar
• 5 tablespoons all-purpose flour
• 1 pinch salt
• 2 cups milk
• 2 egg yolks, beaten
• 1 teaspoon vanilla extract
• 1/2 cup shortening
• 1 cup water
• 1 cup all-purpose flour
• 1 pinch salt
• 4 eggs

Directions

1. For the custard: In a small saucepan, combine 1/2 cup sugar, 5 tablespoons flour and a pinch of salt. Stir in milk, a little at a time, until smooth. Bring to a boil over medium heat, stirring constantly. Boil 60 seconds, then pour a small amount of hot liquid into the 2 egg yolks, and stir. Then return now heated egg yolks to saucepan and stir, over heat, until mixture starts to bubble again. Remove from heat, add vanilla. Cover and chill in refrigerator.
2. Preheat oven to 450 degrees F (230 degrees C).
3. For the pastry: In a medium saucepan, combine shortening and water and bring to a boil. Sift together 1 cup flour and a pinch of salt and pour all at once into boiling mixture. Stir vigorously until mixture forms a ball. Remove from heat, and add eggs, one at a time, stirring vigorously after each addition. Drop by spoonfuls onto baking sheet, or pipe into desired shape.
4. Bake 10 minutes in the preheated oven, then reduce heat to 400 degrees F (200 degrees C) and bake 25 minutes more, or until golden. Cool completely, split, fill with custard, and replace tops.

Bugz Buns

I have been using this recipes for about 20 years. I love it. It’s simple and easy and other than mixing everything together, not much work. I raised  boys so this makes a lot of bread. I usually always make hamburger buns.Today since it was nice and hot and humid, I decided to make some bread….mmmmm the house smells so good.


BUG’S BREAD
SMALL BOWL
2 PACKAGES OF YEAST
2TSB SUGAR
1/2 CUP WARM WATER
STIR AND LET SIT FOR 5 MIN
VERY VERY LARGE BOWL
14 CUPS FLOUR ( I use about 12 or 13 and then keep adding until it’s not sticky)
LARGE BOWL
2 EGGS
1 1/4 CUP SUGAR
1 TABLESPOON SALT
I CUP OIL

MIX WELL, THEN ADD THE YEAST MIXTURE, POUR YEAST MIXTURE INTO FLOUR AND CLEAN THE YEAST BOWL OUT BY ADDING 4 CUPS OF WARM WATER TO THE YEAST BOWL AND POURING INTO THE FLOUR ONE CUP AT A TIME.MIX WELL
LET RISE 2 HOURS UNTIL DOUBLE IN SIZE…PUNCH DOWN, LET RISE AGAIN FOR 2 MORE HOURS. SHAPE INTO BUNS OR BREAD OR WHATEVER YOU WANT, THEN LET RISE UNTIL DOUBLE. I USUALLY LET RISE FOR ABOUT 5+ HOURS..DEPENDING ON THE WEATHER.BAKE AT 375 UNTIL GOLDEN BROWN. FOR SOFT TOPS, WIPE THE TOPS OF THE BUNS WITH BUTTER AFTER TAKEN OUT OF THE OVEN AND STILL HOT. THIS MAKES A LOT OF BUNS. ENJOY!

Originally posted on Spicybugz World

Bugz Hot Chili

I'm originally from the North. PA to be exact. In the winter months, nothing was better than a bowl of steaming hot and spicy Chili. My family absolutely loves my chili. It's easy to make, just requires a can opener and lots of cans!


1 Very Large Pot
2 lbs of ground round (cheap ground beef can work also, just drain off the fat)
4-6 cans of tomato sauce (depending on the size of your pot
1 can of generic tomato soup. (I do not like Campbell's soup in this recipe)
1 onion
1 green pepper
3 Hot jalapeno peppers
Hot pepper flakes
2 Large Cans of Joan of Arc Light Red Kidney Beans
Tablespoon of sugar
Teaspoon of butter.

Fry the ground round together with the chopped onions and green peppers and jalapeno peppers. You can either cut the jalapeno peppers up or put them in whole, I do it either way. I only want the heat. Salt and pepper your ground meat while frying.

When the meat is cooked, add the tomato sauce, tomato soup and the kidney beans. Stir, add one can of water from the Kidney beans can to the pot. Stir. Add hot pepper flakes. Bring to boil, then add the sugar and butter. Let it simmer until the kidney beans are soft and all the flavors incorporated with each other.

This goes well with hot hard crusty bread. Sometimes we throw a couple cubes of velvetta cheese on top in our own seperate bowls. You can make this at hot as you like or as mild as you like.

Everyone always raves about my chili. Enjoy.